Achieving Success AND Staying True To Yourself!
Posted: Thursday, March 25, 2010
by Jennifer Stewart
Stepping out of History
I'm beginning to think that for me there are two parts to this success thing. There's the success of doing what I love to do and constantly learning how to do it in a way that's more fulfilling. That's my personal and unique-to-me journey, and I'll accept or reject the "help" that comes towards me, depending on whether it works for me or not. The journey is ongoing, and it's the moment by moment experience that's exciting, not so much the destination. The destination is an idea and it can be a thrilling one - but the journey is a reality, it's where I feel and think, act and interact. It's how I know I'm alive.
Over the moon was I.
Then she said she was nervous to trust her own gut, and two of her readers hadn't liked the book, so she thought I should make some adjustments even though she didn't agree with them! My alarm bells went off but I ignored them...
The short version is that I spent 8 months trying to please people who couldn't agree on what should be done. I met the editor in the supermarket one day and she looked so embarrassed and I knew.
It was over. 8 months for nothing.
One of the readers who rejected my book HATED it wrote a vitriolic report, which I couldn't even read at first. In the end I braved it, and pulled out every nasty word she'd used and put them together in a paragraph. Then I realized, none of it was about my book, it was about her. I gave it to somebody else to read, and she brought it back to me with tears streaming down her face. "This book has changed my life" she said.
It was a big learning curve. No more adapting for me. In future, I'll be the decision maker. If somebody wants to publish me, I'll decide whether I like their terms or not, I'll decide whether any changes they want to make will add quality to my book or not. How's that for chest-beating?!!
Adapting myself to please others didn't work for me in any way at all. It's hard, because of course I want to be published and I want worldly success. But not, alas, at any cost. Sometimes I wish I didn't care about compromising myself. But I do and that's that.
So I stood my ground - and got nowhere in the worldly success realm! However, it's not easy for me to give up (Scottish-based stubbornness?). And now I'm beginning to think the question should be not "how can I adapt myself to be pleasing?" but "how can I let people know that I'm here, without compromising myself?"
The first question is soul destroying, it gives your power away, it makes you hate what you're doing and it doesn't have a definitive answer. Nobody can answer that question with absolute certainty of being right. Because who are you going to try and adapt yourself to? Which group of people? Which nationality, which age? And how do you know what they want, how does anybody? How can you know that what they want will actually bring the success they promise? You can't. Well, I couldn't. It took me into no man's land. Never want to go back there again.
For me, the question "how can I write what people want" isn't one that can lead anywhere except down a dusty, winding, torturous road to heartache and misery sooner or later. And maybe even bitterness. In this scenario I'm being a follower, I have no power at all. I'm sure it shows, people smell it.
The second question, though "how can I let people know I'm here?" - is a totally different thing. First of all I'm assuming what I do is okay, which makes me feel great about myself. I'm asserting my right to be who I am, I'm communicating that honestly, I'm conveying passion and energy. I feel alive! I'm not giving my power away. In this scenario I'm being a leader, I'm establishing myself as the authority on me and my work. I reckon people respond to that - without even being aware of it.
Plus I can act on my decision, because the question has an answer, YESS!!! There are all sorts of ways I can place myself in front of people. I love options that keep opportunities alive for me. So I'm going to give it a bash. Watch this space.
The last word on this is that being adaptive and over-pleasing doesn't make me feel good about myself and it sure isn't any fun.
(c) Jennifer Stewart 2010
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)Great stuff, Jennifer. I will definitely watch this space!Thanks, Bruce! And I'm really enjoying being part of SearchWarp. You've got a great thing going here.
Your title says it all! Good article Jennifer. Don't ever give up.Thanks, Brianna. I never shall (give up, I mean!)...
Hi Jennifer.Well, now you've inspired me. I've struggled with some of the same thoughts that you have, but haven't come so clearly to a conclusion as you did.I know it is best to be true to my self and write about my passions, but I worry that it is not good enough or desirable. I've two books in the works that have stalled for just his reason. Bad me. :)I'm adding your article to my favorites so that I can return to it when the doubts get the better of me.DianneWell, this is clearly a mutual stroke society! Thanks for your comment, it was a great way to start Sunday - I'm in Africa, so different time zone.I think your writing is fabulous. Really. It's so spirited. Beautiful.RegardsJennifer
Bravo! I liked this article very much- Staying true to yourself is the most important thing about being a writer, singer, butcher, baker or candlestick maker. I discovered a long time ago that I cannot write on demand- nor can I write what others tell me to write. I have to call my muse in the dress which I desire or she won't come at all. I like the way you think, and therefore the way you write. Thanks for an enjoyable article.- Always-EllaPleasure, Ella, and thanks for sharing your support so generously.
Really inspiring to read this article Jennifer. I am at a crossroads in my life at present. I have given my notice in after 26 years of teaching and amembarking on writing a student guide book, composing music and recharging the batteries!! It is true people do expect you to fit their ideas and it doesn't work for me and more accomodating I am, less it takes me away from who I am. Thanks for this article, it is as it was meant to be read by myself at this very moment in time. Look forward to reading your blog Jennifer.
Elfreda.Congratulations, Elfreda, I think what you're doing is so exciting and courageous! What kind of music are you composing? I'm thrilled and feel honored that my article spoke to you, and thanks for your generous comment.
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