The Darkest Hour is Just Before Dawn
Posted: Tuesday, July 20, 2010
by Jennifer Stewart
Stepping out of History
I've been wrestling today with " I'm an idiot " and continual barrage of gloom and doom " what ifs ". Throat tight, voice constricted, images of people laughing at me or worse, feeling sorry for me. Shame, she really thought she could do it, isn't she pathetic? Since there was nobody in my apartment but me, clearly the images were the reflection of an insane mind. The realization of which did nothing to improve my mood. The best I could do was say " go to hell " and carry on with those vocal exercises anyway. After a while everything loosened up, and the world looked a bit brighter.
I sang " They All Laughed ", it seemed appropriate. They all laughed at Christopher Columbus when he said the world was round. They all laughed when Edison recorded sound. They all laughed at Wilbur and his brother, when they said that man could fly. They told Marconi wireless was a phony, its the same old cry. They laughed at me wanting you, said I was reaching for the moon, but oh you came through. Now they'll have to change their tune.
Of course it's a love song, but it applies to dreams also and all the negative things people and your own mind mostly the latter - tell you about your ability to succeed.
I recently saw a documentary about a woman who set sail across the Pacific with her fiance to deliver a boat to Hawaii. It was hurricane season but they crossed their fingers and did it anyway for $10,000. Within days a big storm started building in their path. They could have turned back but didn't. $10,000 and the need to keep their word was worth more to them than their lives. Interesting.
Then it was too late and they hit the eye of the hurricane. No turning back now. He sent her below decks. She was knocked out. When she came to, the storm was over but the boat was a wreck. In shock, badly bruised and cut, she stumbled up on deck. He was gone. Just gone. Imagine the devastation. Plus she was in the middle of the Pacific with barely enough food and water. Sails shredded, no radio, no engine.
During the next 22 days she rigged a small sail and navigated towards Hawaii using a sextant, knowing if she missed she'd run out of food and water. Terrorized, grieving, totally alone, she nearly lost her mind. Once a ship came into view. Jubilation! Yess! I'm going to be saved! Helllp!!! She sent up a flare, danced and jumped around, waving her hands, shouting until she was hoarse. Her cries were not carried on the wind and the ship sailed past. Alone. Totally alone. I'm going to die. But she didn't give up. She kept moving, checking her sextant every few minutes, aiming for Hawaii, hoping she'd worked it out right.
One day, after a month, she spied land in the distance! She'd done it, she was going to be okay! Jubilation again. Then a plane flew over, so close she could see the pilot. She sent up a flare, danced, screamed and shouted again. Surely he would see her. But he didn't and he flew on by.
Then within minutes clouds descended, and hid the land. She thought she'd gone mad and was hallucinating. She went below decks and found a rifle, loaded it and put it into her mouth, tasting the metal.
But she couldn't do it. Angry with herself, despairing, terrified she was mad, she crawled back on deck to continue her journey. And within a few hours the clouds cleared, and there was Hawaii.
The darkest hour is just before dawn. Your demons will tell you there's no hope. They seem very logical and believable. People might even tell you the same thing. You can listen to them if you want, but it's your funeral then. You don't have to give up, no matter how bleak it seems.
Rather remember that you can't see what's round the corner. Remember you can shut the door on other people's and your own doubts about you, and your demons with their what-ifs. You have to get out and do your thing, let yourself believe, no matter what, that dawn will come.
Of course it's a love song, but it applies to dreams also and all the negative things people and your own mind mostly the latter - tell you about your ability to succeed.
I recently saw a documentary about a woman who set sail across the Pacific with her fiance to deliver a boat to Hawaii. It was hurricane season but they crossed their fingers and did it anyway for $10,000. Within days a big storm started building in their path. They could have turned back but didn't. $10,000 and the need to keep their word was worth more to them than their lives. Interesting.
Then it was too late and they hit the eye of the hurricane. No turning back now. He sent her below decks. She was knocked out. When she came to, the storm was over but the boat was a wreck. In shock, badly bruised and cut, she stumbled up on deck. He was gone. Just gone. Imagine the devastation. Plus she was in the middle of the Pacific with barely enough food and water. Sails shredded, no radio, no engine.
During the next 22 days she rigged a small sail and navigated towards Hawaii using a sextant, knowing if she missed she'd run out of food and water. Terrorized, grieving, totally alone, she nearly lost her mind. Once a ship came into view. Jubilation! Yess! I'm going to be saved! Helllp!!! She sent up a flare, danced and jumped around, waving her hands, shouting until she was hoarse. Her cries were not carried on the wind and the ship sailed past. Alone. Totally alone. I'm going to die. But she didn't give up. She kept moving, checking her sextant every few minutes, aiming for Hawaii, hoping she'd worked it out right.
One day, after a month, she spied land in the distance! She'd done it, she was going to be okay! Jubilation again. Then a plane flew over, so close she could see the pilot. She sent up a flare, danced, screamed and shouted again. Surely he would see her. But he didn't and he flew on by.
Then within minutes clouds descended, and hid the land. She thought she'd gone mad and was hallucinating. She went below decks and found a rifle, loaded it and put it into her mouth, tasting the metal.
But she couldn't do it. Angry with herself, despairing, terrified she was mad, she crawled back on deck to continue her journey. And within a few hours the clouds cleared, and there was Hawaii.
The darkest hour is just before dawn. Your demons will tell you there's no hope. They seem very logical and believable. People might even tell you the same thing. You can listen to them if you want, but it's your funeral then. You don't have to give up, no matter how bleak it seems.
Rather remember that you can't see what's round the corner. Remember you can shut the door on other people's and your own doubts about you, and your demons with their what-ifs. You have to get out and do your thing, let yourself believe, no matter what, that dawn will come.
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More commentsAnother great story-well told, revealing the inner dimensions of our soul- "You gotta have hope- all you really need is hope- when the odds are saying you'll never win"............ Our whole world hangs on hope.-Thanks Jenn- Always- EllaHope - it's a beautiful word. Thanks as ever, Ella.
The devil is a liar!!!! Great Article JEN!That's a good one, Shonell, the devil is indeed a liar. Thanks!
Great story/example and I think you offer a good reminder to believe--thanks. As for the boaters in this case, they should have thought out their passage better (time of year, their experience and they probably should have turned back when the weather turned to poop). Thank God she survived and great for her perseverance. As for money and their word...the boat was trashed, a death, no money, etc--forgive me but I'm a boater and I got caught up in their folly, crossing your fingers and boating don't mix too well--as for your singing though, never give up--if you have the desire your mind will get you there!Re their folly, it's hard to understand isn't it? Strangely, he was the experienced sailor, and she let him make all the decisions. She was the novice - not by the time she reached Hawaii, though.I love what you say there about if you have a desire your mind will take you there. V. meaningful to me, thanks.What kind of boating do you do?Thank you and good luck with it and as far as boating--motor boating (not sailing) on Lake Erie--amateur but love the water!
You've knocked another one out of the park, Jennifer! Well written and something that everyone can relate to. We all know what it's like to feel discouraged, and you put these feelings into words so well.That's a really nice compliment, Bruce, thanks.
jen,good story sequencing, pace and progression-well said.sounds like your insanity lies in good company-marconi, edison...i have always enjoyed the seq from African Queen; when they lie down in the boat stuck in the reeds to die and the camera pans up to show they are at the edge of the lake!it is easiler to give up or blame someone i guess. success is very, very very hard work-but worth the effort. i don't know any successful person that is was easy for, do you?Bing, thanks for this lovely comment, which hit the spot for me. No, I don't know anybody for whom success was easy! It is hard work, but you're so right, it's so worth it!! I've never seen African Queen - it's a Katherine Hepburn film, isn't it?jen, put it on your film list. bogart, hepburn-directed by john houston. a classic!Bogart! It's a must...
My God you were inspired!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for sharing the inspiration, the reflection and the heart. Awesome article!!!!Thanks, dear, for your gorgeously enthusiastic response!!!You know something? You have the best idea of how to make friends. I'm glad I'm getting to know you through this writing experience at Searchwarp. Have a great week!
I loved this article Jennifer. It is very close to one of my favorite quotes "It is only upon the darkest of nights that one can see the stars". More than I would care to remember I have had those darkest nights. Reflection back I can see the sparkling stars that I almost missed. Thank you again.I'm glad you liked it, Carla. It's good to remember that even in the darkest times something led you out.
Very nicely written and well worth telling, I would have to agree with you on this.Thanks, Richard.
Had me on the edge of my chair.Nice stroke, Bob, thanks!!
Hi Jennifer,A very engaging piece filled with words of wisdom. I love your style. You are a wonderful writer. I would love to read your novels - where can I find them? Blessings to you! Teresa
PS glad you won the battle :-)Thanks, Teresa. My novels can't be seen anywhere yet because they're all in the process of being written! But as soon as they're out in the world, I'll let you know :)
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