As Time Goes By – Time Flies If You’re Having Fun & Getting Older But Slows Down When You’re Sick
Posted: Saturday, March 26, 2011
by Jennifer Stewart
Stepping out of History
Time flies when you’re having fun. It also flies when you get older. I’m ever optimistic that the two will marry at some point. Sometimes they do, because let’s face it, the older you get the more you know about what makes you happy, and the more you can give yourself permission to seek it out.
But these last few weeks haven’t been much fun. Mind you, come to think of it time hasn’t really been flying much either and it’s not because I found the magic eternal youth formula. I got sick is all, and that’s one thing that seems to slow time down until it’s a tortured funeral march written by a dirgy composer.
At first I resisted like crazy. I’m not sick, it’s just a bit of a sore throat; I don’t have a temperature it’s just hot today; I don’t feel weak I just didn’t have a big breakfast. But within days my bit of a sore throat was razor wire, my chest was filled with liquid, I had a raging fever and I could feel myself getting weaker and weaker just lying on my back. Quite scary, actually. For the first time in my life I had a sense of what it must feel like to have your life slipping away.
I hate being sick, it terrifies me. The world becomes an alien place and feels very unsafe. It passes by, unseeing, uncaring, going about its business as if I didn’t exist. I lost touch with everybody, even friends I know in cyberspace because I just couldn’t sit up – and even if I could, my brain was virtually inert.
The sense of being disconnected was absolutely awful. I had quite a powerful emotional throw-back to when I was a child. I’d often be alone in my room, or alone somewhere, where I could either see or hear others having fun and laughing, playing. Adults and children alike. I wondered what it was like to be part of that, but somehow I never found myself there. I lived in a lonely place a lot of the time.
Well when you’re lying in bed feeling miserable, looking back isn’t such a bad thing. It made me realize things will never be like that again because the child who had no self esteem has grown into a woman with a sense of herself. What an amazing feeling of freedom and lightness of being it gave me. Just looking on that triumph alone made life feel like the most extraordinary gift. My father used to joke that the best part about suffering was how good you feel when it’s over. Amen to that, Dad!
So the days and nights passed in a blur as my body wrestled with the virus, and my mind relinquished the fight and travelled into the past, floated back to the present and let got of the world and the passage of time. The worst part of it lasted for about a week, which felt like three months. And as I’ve emerged, still a bit shaky and a whole lot thinner, I feel as if I’ve been away from life for months.
The world looks different. I have a renewed sense of how precious life is. I’m especially aware of how lucky I am to have my health, which generally is pretty good. That feels like a miracle to me. I wake up in the morning and I’m able to get out of bed, make my own breakfast. That brings such a smile to my face!
But even though my strength is returning, I feel quite pastoral in spirit and pretty reluctant to enter into the mad fray of busy life. It looks awfully energy intensive, and not always a whole lot of fun. Maybe I’ve just got used to time passing slowly.
But these last few weeks haven’t been much fun. Mind you, come to think of it time hasn’t really been flying much either and it’s not because I found the magic eternal youth formula. I got sick is all, and that’s one thing that seems to slow time down until it’s a tortured funeral march written by a dirgy composer.
I hate being sick, it terrifies me. The world becomes an alien place and feels very unsafe. It passes by, unseeing, uncaring, going about its business as if I didn’t exist. I lost touch with everybody, even friends I know in cyberspace because I just couldn’t sit up – and even if I could, my brain was virtually inert.
The sense of being disconnected was absolutely awful. I had quite a powerful emotional throw-back to when I was a child. I’d often be alone in my room, or alone somewhere, where I could either see or hear others having fun and laughing, playing. Adults and children alike. I wondered what it was like to be part of that, but somehow I never found myself there. I lived in a lonely place a lot of the time.
Well when you’re lying in bed feeling miserable, looking back isn’t such a bad thing. It made me realize things will never be like that again because the child who had no self esteem has grown into a woman with a sense of herself. What an amazing feeling of freedom and lightness of being it gave me. Just looking on that triumph alone made life feel like the most extraordinary gift. My father used to joke that the best part about suffering was how good you feel when it’s over. Amen to that, Dad!
So the days and nights passed in a blur as my body wrestled with the virus, and my mind relinquished the fight and travelled into the past, floated back to the present and let got of the world and the passage of time. The worst part of it lasted for about a week, which felt like three months. And as I’ve emerged, still a bit shaky and a whole lot thinner, I feel as if I’ve been away from life for months.
The world looks different. I have a renewed sense of how precious life is. I’m especially aware of how lucky I am to have my health, which generally is pretty good. That feels like a miracle to me. I wake up in the morning and I’m able to get out of bed, make my own breakfast. That brings such a smile to my face!
But even though my strength is returning, I feel quite pastoral in spirit and pretty reluctant to enter into the mad fray of busy life. It looks awfully energy intensive, and not always a whole lot of fun. Maybe I’ve just got used to time passing slowly.
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Top-level comments on this article: (9 total)I'm glad you're feeling better Jennifer, yes sometimes the world can be a challenging place to be. We must be strong to face reality day after day.Thanks, David. "We must be strong to face reality day after day" - that has so much depth to it.
The feeling of actually being "sick" is terrifying and helpless. I once felt a little bit dizzy and could not remember my other password to my account and so I lost it all that's my old time Hotmail account. I have to open a new one but most of the contacts etc were gone.
Glad you are getting better, Jennifer ....Thanks, Hilda, and sorry you lost everything on your Hotmail account, what a nightmare.
Glad you are feeling better Jennifer. On days that I can not function up to my expectations it just irks me. Yet when I do have good days, I like to stop and enjoy the nature whether it is roses and flowers in season or the plants Mark takes incredible care for indoors or out.
Love, hugs and blessings,
Michelle
Thanks, Michelle. I went for a walk today, and the world looked so beautiful!
I'm glad your feeling better Jennifer and are back. I've had that disconnected feeling recently and it's not nice. I'm glad you could look back on your past and feel good about the present. Your future is bright too. Just take it slowly. :) All the best - BriannaHi Brianna, you too, huh? Thanks for your encouragement re my future - it's so weird, but my ambition seems to have melted away! I suppose it'll come back. Or not :) Maybe life would be nicer without having that need to accomplish something!I haven't been sick but I've temporarily lost what I call my happy place. You know never time to do what you want to do, be where you want to be? You know it's funny you should say the last thing you did there. It's the subject of my latest column which I've started and intend to finsih one of these days called Contentment or underachiever? I think we are too hard on ourselves, what's wrong with being content? :) Have a good one Jennifer.
Here you got another FIVE from me...a great thoughtful article. Its a truth for everybody in their own course of life. Thanks for sharing it...Thanks, Chiradeep :)
Ups and downs - that's the way of life. Your body just threw up unwanted elements and the spirit of life is back to live positively. It is good that you are slow and not fast. Maybe you haven't lost touch with 'life', but got closer to it this time with a better understanding. Wish you a smooth and steady recovery.Thanks, Shyam. I love your perspective.
happy too, to hear you are feeling better,...but being away from SW for so long, I didn't know you were not feeling well...I enjoyed your take on this theme...we all handle the ups and downs in life differently...I'm going to try to handle another bump in the road this Friday...I meet with my cardiologist again...and might have to have a stay in the hospital again too,..so far, I've been able to handle most news...I hope you and I will continue to take things well...and not fret so much....take care, DaveYes, Dave, fretting doesn't help, does it. I hope your news re your heart wasn't too bad and that you're okay.
Hi Jennifer.
I saw this article when you first posted it but it's taken me this long to find some time to read it. I am glad that you got over it and are feeling better.
I HATE being sick. As if feeling lousy isn't bad enough, I also can not do all the things I want to do. And you are so right, nothing slows down time like a virus happily making itself to home in your body.
But I spend to much time fuming about it to find time to reflect on more philosophical issues. Not so you! Great job of making the best use of the down-time!
Hugs,
Dianne
Thanks, Dianne. I'm taking longer to recoup than usual, though, and starting to get impatient and un-pastoral again!
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