Listening to Your Heart, Believing in Yourself, Finding Fulfillment
Posted: Sunday, April 10, 2011
by Jennifer Stewart
Stepping out of History
“But the eyes are blind. One must look with the heart.” Antoine de Saint Exupéry, The Little Prince, Chapter XXV
There was such a great episode on Being Erica the other night about choices that seem logical but feel wrong. We live in a logic-driven world, and there’s something appealing about it; it feels so safe somehow when we reach a logical conclusion about anything. Even sometimes when that conclusion tells us we’re wrong in something! We might not feel good about believing we’re wrong, but we feel safe having reached the conclusion.
But somehow it seems to me that what feels safe and what is safe aren’t always the same thing, and that living your life doing the things that seem logically sensible according to our accepted cultural ideas doesn’t always prove to have been the safe thing in the long run.
People who work all their lives at “good” jobs that stifle them, earning safe money, aim for that day they retire and can start doing what they want. That’s a logical way to live your life, it makes sense. But how many have heart attacks, strokes, cancer and all manner of body ills by the time they retire? Because they’ve never lived with joy, never pursued a dream. They’ve always been practical and logical even when it went against their heart.
Suddenly one day it’s over and it’s too late. So how safe was it all really? Denying your heart impacts on your body in a real physical way. I believe we’re not built to be stifled, we’re built for the expression of joy and creativity. When we’re out of that mode, our chemical and electrical systems are thrown out of balance. We get dis-eased.
I was never able to do the safe thing. It wasn’t something I actively thought about, I just was so sure in some part of myself that things would work out if I listened to my heart. I kind of jumped off a cliff into life as a young adult. Things didn’t work out, though, not in a natural way. I’ve made some awful decisions, taken a lot of hard knocks. And often I’ve been torn between needing to follow my heart and being afraid that I should be more logical in my approach to my life.
Turns out it’s as difficult and complicated to follow your heart as it is to follow the logical safe route and be happy. People often say all you have to do is find your passion and then doors fly open for you. No they don’t, not always. I knew what my passion was when I was in my early teens. Not one door even inched open slightly for me. There was this minor obstacle called self-esteem. If yours is depleted, it doesn’t matter how passionate you are about something, you’re unlikely to find success in it until you’ve healed on the inside.
Low self esteem means so many things. Inadequate boundaries, lousy entitlement, fear of other people, inability to defend yourself, absolute lack of understanding of how the world works. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. What about inability to believe in yourself? One annoying thing I’ve noticed about life is that when I don’t believe in myself nobody else does either. And I’ve never ever lacked passion.
I’m pretty sure of it, passion doesn’t make you successful. Strong self-esteem, good entitlement, believing in yourself – those are the ingredients, I think. Passion just keeps you on the road, because the going gets incredibly difficult. For one, when you follow your heart you’re carving out your own path in life, and that’s a good thing. But there are no insurance policies doing it this way, and nobody can say to you if you follow these rules you’ll be okay because there aren’t any rules. It’s just you and your heart.
You have to have a whole lot of faith in the idea that your heart is actually the voice of life guiding you through the quagmire that is your low self-esteem and incomplete consciousness and all the misbegotten things you’ve learned from bad role models. You have to blindly believe that your heart will lead you to what you need to learn, to overcome obstacles, and that it can guide you in material matters as well as spiritual ones.
We have the capacity to shut off our emotions and hearts and build material empires with our logical ability. We can have huge wealth, and even stand out above the crowd. But we’re not really individuals; our wealth is garnered off the backs of others, and fulfillment surely eludes us. I don’t think I’m fooling myself in believing that more and more people are realizing that way of life just isn’t enough.
The thing is, if we pay attention to our hearts and emotions, and use our logical capacity without being ruled by it, we can possibly have material wealth and find fulfillment. Wealth comes from people and people respond to personal power, which comes from listening to your heart, healing your self esteem, learning from better role models and risking being an individual. Huh: put like that, it sounds pretty logical, wouldn’t you say? I reckon it’s at least worth the risk of trying.
There was such a great episode on Being Erica the other night about choices that seem logical but feel wrong. We live in a logic-driven world, and there’s something appealing about it; it feels so safe somehow when we reach a logical conclusion about anything. Even sometimes when that conclusion tells us we’re wrong in something! We might not feel good about believing we’re wrong, but we feel safe having reached the conclusion.
People who work all their lives at “good” jobs that stifle them, earning safe money, aim for that day they retire and can start doing what they want. That’s a logical way to live your life, it makes sense. But how many have heart attacks, strokes, cancer and all manner of body ills by the time they retire? Because they’ve never lived with joy, never pursued a dream. They’ve always been practical and logical even when it went against their heart.
Suddenly one day it’s over and it’s too late. So how safe was it all really? Denying your heart impacts on your body in a real physical way. I believe we’re not built to be stifled, we’re built for the expression of joy and creativity. When we’re out of that mode, our chemical and electrical systems are thrown out of balance. We get dis-eased.
I was never able to do the safe thing. It wasn’t something I actively thought about, I just was so sure in some part of myself that things would work out if I listened to my heart. I kind of jumped off a cliff into life as a young adult. Things didn’t work out, though, not in a natural way. I’ve made some awful decisions, taken a lot of hard knocks. And often I’ve been torn between needing to follow my heart and being afraid that I should be more logical in my approach to my life.
Turns out it’s as difficult and complicated to follow your heart as it is to follow the logical safe route and be happy. People often say all you have to do is find your passion and then doors fly open for you. No they don’t, not always. I knew what my passion was when I was in my early teens. Not one door even inched open slightly for me. There was this minor obstacle called self-esteem. If yours is depleted, it doesn’t matter how passionate you are about something, you’re unlikely to find success in it until you’ve healed on the inside.
Low self esteem means so many things. Inadequate boundaries, lousy entitlement, fear of other people, inability to defend yourself, absolute lack of understanding of how the world works. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. What about inability to believe in yourself? One annoying thing I’ve noticed about life is that when I don’t believe in myself nobody else does either. And I’ve never ever lacked passion.
I’m pretty sure of it, passion doesn’t make you successful. Strong self-esteem, good entitlement, believing in yourself – those are the ingredients, I think. Passion just keeps you on the road, because the going gets incredibly difficult. For one, when you follow your heart you’re carving out your own path in life, and that’s a good thing. But there are no insurance policies doing it this way, and nobody can say to you if you follow these rules you’ll be okay because there aren’t any rules. It’s just you and your heart.
You have to have a whole lot of faith in the idea that your heart is actually the voice of life guiding you through the quagmire that is your low self-esteem and incomplete consciousness and all the misbegotten things you’ve learned from bad role models. You have to blindly believe that your heart will lead you to what you need to learn, to overcome obstacles, and that it can guide you in material matters as well as spiritual ones.
We have the capacity to shut off our emotions and hearts and build material empires with our logical ability. We can have huge wealth, and even stand out above the crowd. But we’re not really individuals; our wealth is garnered off the backs of others, and fulfillment surely eludes us. I don’t think I’m fooling myself in believing that more and more people are realizing that way of life just isn’t enough.
The thing is, if we pay attention to our hearts and emotions, and use our logical capacity without being ruled by it, we can possibly have material wealth and find fulfillment. Wealth comes from people and people respond to personal power, which comes from listening to your heart, healing your self esteem, learning from better role models and risking being an individual. Huh: put like that, it sounds pretty logical, wouldn’t you say? I reckon it’s at least worth the risk of trying.
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Top-level comments on this article: (10 total)You are become a guru; I can see you sitting crosslegged with a burning stick of incense in your bellybutton!You are really funny! :DMe a guru! V. scary for the world! As for the incense, - HELP, FIRE, FIRE!!
I have always found my passion but it didn't lead me through a long way. :-) I still live life the way I have to just watch the constant change with an layer of permanence underneath.You too, huh? I think I know what you mean by that layer of permanence underneath, but I'm still learning to trust it.
One of my quotes Jennifer
"Let your conscience be your guide and your heart be your voice"I love this quote, David, thanks :)
I also believed that the self esteem is the last piece that controls the puzzle, but even though we have a grand self esteem we never know when a car will hit us, in the end it comes to something more bigger than the shining self, and it is a clean heart, by clean heart i mean the sinless heart... the sins we get through our invisible bloodline, we see them through our daily lives, through our daily problems.
And yea, like you wrote in the article we're built for the expression of joy and creativity, we really have to sometimes stop looking at the endless road below the sun in the distance and check the beauty of the surrounding environment, because in the core truths, god wanted us to feel only one emotion and it is happiness, but we often open the wrong windows for happiness.
huh, long comment, sorry ^^, heres your deserved 5 stars :)Your comment's absolutely beautiful, HyunSoung, and it's nice to see you again :)
I don't know about guru, but I do think you've got it or are getting it all figured out Jennifer. Raymond Rock would be impressed. :) I am!Amen to the not-guru! I can't think of anything worse than being a guru - I guess it would stroke your ego and that would be nice, but you'd have to be good all the time, what a nightmare!!
H Jennifer. Beautifully stated. I am all for passion, (in case you didn't notice :-) ), but passion on its own won't get us anywhere but frustrated. We have to move forward and try to find the perfect blend of logic and "fly by the seat of your pants thinking." Whatever that is :-) Blessings to you! TLove your comment, Teresa, I'm glad you agree :)
I love this, Jennifer. I see you blooming and it makes me happy. Thanks for sharing!What a great thing to say, Jean, thanks, it's made my day :)
how are the pop up links created in this article..?Hi Ian, welcome to SearchWarp! I'm not sure which pop-up links you're talking about. Do you mean the words that are double-underlined in blue? If yes, that's Kontera - which you can find in your control panel, the last icon on the right in the top row of icons. It has a $ sign.
A great way to get answers to any questions - or even just to have some fun - is to use the Q & A - also in your control panel, bottom row 2nd from the left. Your question and photo get posted onto the front page. It gives you some exposure and you get to meet people here, if that interests you.
Hi Jennifer,
Okay, first off, I tried to send you a message through your e-mail button but it would not go. It is pertaining to your blog and I will paste it here: "Hi Jennifer,
I read your blog. It was great. You've really connected in a very short time with your horse and why we ride.
When I had my first lesson, it was as if I'd been waiting all my life for that moment. I knew I had to have more. I started going out just to groom "my" horse plus some of the others on other than lesson days (I actually only had about six lessons that I paid for) and it blossomed from there. Eventually, Deb felt that I was good enough with them that she invited me to ride any time I wanted ... whether anyone was home or not. I felt so privileged ... still do ... and a bit afraid at first. But Diablo fixed that.
Thanks for bringing your blog to my attention. Is the photo of Moolan? What does his name mean? And how perfect that he is chocolate colored.
Hugs,
Dianne"
Now, about this article ... I love the quote. I've made a lot of "logical" decisions that felt wrong and turned out to have been wrong after all. I won't say that I listen only to my heart, but I've learned over the years to give it a bit more weight in making decisions. I really do believe it is best to do what makes you happiest. It isn't always easy to manage that though.
I like Paul's comment. He's right.
Hugs,
DianneHi Dianne, thanks for posting your reply to my blog here. I thought about you a lot when I decided to take lessons - and actually, I think your passion for horses and that you'd done something about it inspired me to take the plunge! I love your idea of grooming, I'm going to ask if I can do it. I want to do everything, not just ride.
How is Diablo? That's such a beautiful name! I'm not sure what Mulan's name means, I'll have to find out. There was a Disney film where Mulan was a young girl who pretended she was a man so she could be a warrior and take on the Huns!!
Re your comment to my article, thanks for the strokes. I agree, though, it's not easy to manage the balance :)
Love JenniferDiablo is well, though a bit naughty lately. Some (well, probably most) of that is my doing for not being strict enough with him. He's gotten the idea that he can make the decisions about what to do when. I have a very hard time with being strict. You don't have to be "mean" to be strict, but you do have to be firm and give corrections the moment your horse misbehaves. I'm not so good at that and now that our club's first show of the season is approaching (this coming Saturday) and I am riding in Training Level (well, at least that is the plan) and have to canter, it is proving to be a problem for me. Cantering still frightens me because of that bad fall I had when I first started riding and he spooked and took of at the canter and I came off. I hit the ground really hard. Anyway, I have one more "lesson" day before the show to get the two of us straightened out. Can you undo a few months of bad messages in one day? I'll find out. Don't listen to me, this is just the sound of the frustrated-with-myself phase that I am in right now. :) There's that classic saying about taking two steps forward and one step back and it's been said that it is truer for dressage riders than anyone else. The rewards are uncountable though, so stick with it and I will too.
Hugs,
DianneI missed this somehow, Dianne. I feel for you, falling off, ouch, I'm not surprised cantering is still scary. How did the show go? Did Diablo behave himself? Horses really test our ability to be authoritative, don't they!
I feel off once when a horse was cantering. I was quite young, staying with a friend on her farm. We were going down a dirt road and my horse just stopped and put her head down to munch on some corn! That's the big drawback with horses, isn't it - it's an awful long way down!That first bad fall was in October of 2009. I fell again Thursday from the canter. I really wasn't certain if I would ride on Saturday after that. I was fairly banged up and my right arm still isn't working all that well today. But yesterday, I rode the test and cantered and I stayed on! I didn't get a very good score, but I don't care. My main goal was just to ride the test from beginning to end and not fall off. I did that so I felt pretty good about it.
I did manage on Thursday to get Diablo to listen to me better, but at the show, when we were all done, he thought he was going to go for a solo walk. :) Actually, he doesn't much like being tied to the trailer or being tied at all. Stems from some very bad mistreatment he had before he was rescued. Anyway, another rider brought me his halter (I had taken his bridle off and was about to move his halter from around his neck to over his nose when he took off and I locked my hand on his saddle) and once I got that on him, he behaved like a perfect prince. Brat!
About how you fell off ... I've seen horses do that! They can stop on a dime but the rider still has all that momentum. How bronc riders ever stay on is a mystery to me. And yes, it is a very long way down!
I told Diablo's owner that he will probably help to make me a more assertive person ... either that or kill me. :) Anyway, the show was fun ... especially after I finished my ride. :)
Hope your riding is going well!
Hugs.
--
Jennifer,
I know I'm a little late to this party, but I just recently rolled into town.
Your statement of "Strong self-esteem, good entitlement, believing in yourself – those are the ingredients, I think." is the basic premise of the entire article. Good choice.
Thank you for sharing your insight.
Ron
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