Hoping for Success, Looking for an Agent, Getting Rejected, But Never Giving Up
Posted: Wednesday, February 08, 2012
by Jennifer Stewart
Stepping out of History
Writing can be a lot of fun. The world of publishing isn’t. Well, not all the time, not while you’re trying to get into it. I guess life isn’t fun all the time, and any meaningful journey feels significantly lacking in anything vaguely resembling fulfillment now and then.
I’m looking for agents, so my book can be a real live one as well as an ebook. Finding and researching them to make sure they’re right for me is laborious and time consuming, but it’s exciting when I hit on one who seems perfect. Which I did two days ago. Daniel Lazar works for a New York agency, Writer's House, and he seems straightforward, has a sense of humor and a big heart.
His bio blurb says "If you think your pages can make me hold my breath or miss my subway stop or even laugh out loud…" I like that. So I sent him my proposal – which I’ve worked on for weeks, editing, re-editing, thinking it’s just fine then realizing it’s not, throwing it out, starting again. If I still worked on a typewriter my room would be littered with crumpled up rejects.
People say don’t invest in outcomes, don’t get attached. What a lot of crap. It’s impossible to write a book and not hope that the world will love it and you’ll sell millions of copies and make it to the New York Best Seller list. People who don’t let themselves have that dream are scared of disappointment so they shut it down.
Today I understand them a little better, although I still think it’s half living. I got an email from Daniel. So soon! All agents say you’ll only hear from them if they’re interested. My heart leapt – he loved my proposal and me, he wants to read the whole book, this is it, I’m on my way, New York here I come! Heart thudding I opened the email.
It was from his assistant. “Daniel asked me to reply…your project does not seem right…”. Damn. It’s like a mini-death, there’s no way I could prepare for how heavy my heart feels, and all the crucifyingly criticial crap that comes flooding into my head. About my book being not good enough for a reputable agency, me being a ridiculously lousy writer, a dreamer without a hope in hell of ever succeeding...
But now I don’t feel so bad. Daniel, divine as he is, obviously isn’t the right agent for me. It doesn’t mean there isn’t one out there somewhere. There must be. Perhaps we’re moving towards each other already in ways neither of us is aware. That’s how life works. All I can do is play my part. I’ve already sent to a bunch of other agents, and I’ll carry on sending to some every day.
I’m getting together with SEO Afficionado Vernon Chalmers on Friday to discuss my marketing strategy. Today I sent off to two more agents, finished one of my thriller scripts and tomorrow I begin in earnest on the crime novel. I’m going to carry on, no matter what, and hope like hell my fate isn’t like Van Gogh’s. I might go mad and end up penniless – but I’m familiar with both those states so it doesn’t bother me too much. At least I shan’t lose one of my ears. Ha.
Getting your work into the world can be hard. Some people are born into an environment that predisposes them to success, but many aren’t and part of the journey is developing a belief in yourself and your work. The only way that belief can grow is through getting rejected, and learning not to give authority to the messages in your head that say the rejection means you aren’t any good.
The real enemy isn’t the world, or agents or publishers, it’s in your own head. Conquering it is a fight, it’s one of the hardest things in the world. But it’s the good fight, and the better you get at it, the more you stand behind yourself deep in your heart. That’s when the world starts responding to you, duh. There’s no way past the impasse but through it. And it’s indisputable that you can only make it onto the list of people who might succeed if you don’t give up.
I’m looking for agents, so my book can be a real live one as well as an ebook. Finding and researching them to make sure they’re right for me is laborious and time consuming, but it’s exciting when I hit on one who seems perfect. Which I did two days ago. Daniel Lazar works for a New York agency, Writer's House, and he seems straightforward, has a sense of humor and a big heart.
People say don’t invest in outcomes, don’t get attached. What a lot of crap. It’s impossible to write a book and not hope that the world will love it and you’ll sell millions of copies and make it to the New York Best Seller list. People who don’t let themselves have that dream are scared of disappointment so they shut it down.
Today I understand them a little better, although I still think it’s half living. I got an email from Daniel. So soon! All agents say you’ll only hear from them if they’re interested. My heart leapt – he loved my proposal and me, he wants to read the whole book, this is it, I’m on my way, New York here I come! Heart thudding I opened the email.
It was from his assistant. “Daniel asked me to reply…your project does not seem right…”. Damn. It’s like a mini-death, there’s no way I could prepare for how heavy my heart feels, and all the crucifyingly criticial crap that comes flooding into my head. About my book being not good enough for a reputable agency, me being a ridiculously lousy writer, a dreamer without a hope in hell of ever succeeding...
But now I don’t feel so bad. Daniel, divine as he is, obviously isn’t the right agent for me. It doesn’t mean there isn’t one out there somewhere. There must be. Perhaps we’re moving towards each other already in ways neither of us is aware. That’s how life works. All I can do is play my part. I’ve already sent to a bunch of other agents, and I’ll carry on sending to some every day.
I’m getting together with SEO Afficionado Vernon Chalmers on Friday to discuss my marketing strategy. Today I sent off to two more agents, finished one of my thriller scripts and tomorrow I begin in earnest on the crime novel. I’m going to carry on, no matter what, and hope like hell my fate isn’t like Van Gogh’s. I might go mad and end up penniless – but I’m familiar with both those states so it doesn’t bother me too much. At least I shan’t lose one of my ears. Ha.
Getting your work into the world can be hard. Some people are born into an environment that predisposes them to success, but many aren’t and part of the journey is developing a belief in yourself and your work. The only way that belief can grow is through getting rejected, and learning not to give authority to the messages in your head that say the rejection means you aren’t any good.
The real enemy isn’t the world, or agents or publishers, it’s in your own head. Conquering it is a fight, it’s one of the hardest things in the world. But it’s the good fight, and the better you get at it, the more you stand behind yourself deep in your heart. That’s when the world starts responding to you, duh. There’s no way past the impasse but through it. And it’s indisputable that you can only make it onto the list of people who might succeed if you don’t give up.
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Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)This brings to mind the old adage- "it's not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game." How you play the game determines what you're made of and who you are.
Oscar Wilde put another twist on this adage when he said- "it's not whether you win or lose, but where you place the blame." Humans will always place that blame somewhere- just so it can't be placed on ourselves because we didn't really try.I think you're eliminating that possibility. I hope for your success Jenn. Every little bit of hope helps :) Always EllaWhat a great comment, dearest Ella, thanks. Every little bit of hope is like the flame of a candle that never goes out...
Hi Jennifer, I hope things would somehow work it out for you and all the best of luck. Rome isn't built overnight so guess a little time is needed for those who are patient enough.
A hopeful will not fail.Thanks, Hilda, and you're right, time and patience. I'm getting more patient by the day in some ways! "A hopeful will not fail" - that's a very quotable quote, beautiful :)
Hi Jennifer,
Ooooooooooooooooo, I am so sorry things didn't work out for you again. I am getting so old that I had to self-publish my book after a bazillion rejects least I take it to my grave. I love Ella's quote about, "How you play the......
In the mean time, I will keep on hoping for you.
Best, dawnThanks for your empathy, Dawn,and for the hope :) I agree with you about Ella's quote, and as I said to her re hope, each little bit is like the flame of a candle that never goes out. I'm sorry you had to experience so many rejections.
You're a tough one. Keep going. You got "sand". Proud of your efforts.Your comment makes me feel very laughingly tall and proud, dear!
Hi Jennifer,
Just as I posted my Daily Horoscope column here, I saw your headline flash and clicked on it. Maybe the words I wrote that explain the current planetary energy will give you a boost.
Keep writing!
Dunnea
Daniel had his assistant write. They often have the assistant read it too. You haven't met my inner bear yet.
If that were to happen to me, I wouldn't just sit back and let it go. I'd try to find out exactly what it was they were looking for. I'd try to get another letter back. So what if it's the assistant. Chances are, the assistant functions much as I did with the Poet Lauriate of Physics back in the late 70's. These people are so crazy busy that their assistant is almost another them. That's how I was even with the Chairman. I had incredible power to write, make decisions, etc. What I am saying is that you're not giving yourself a chance. You are bent, and rightfully so, to get your book published mostly because you know it's good. So you've been trying to get someone to give you the time of day. Everyone is too busy, too this or too that. If you get the benefit or courtesy of a response, then try to find out more. What could be different. What is needed. How can you and on and on. You know the right questions. Don't be afraid to ask. See if you can get a little more comment. Don't just take the rejection and feel dejected. Be like a politician - it's your book and you need to get them to help. I'm not expressing myself clearly enough. I guess the bottom line is that I don't just take no at face value. I try to get more - even explanations or constructive criticism helps me. I so hoped this was working out for you. Darn it anyway. I know you can do it because you write so well and have such great ideas. Did you ever think of self-publishing? I don't know about expense and all, but I've now met several people who have self-published.
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